Time Out for a Cry Out!

When my kids were little, they had the cutest time-out chair, ever!! I wish I were small enough to sit in it. It was a nice place, a safe place. My boys could re-gather their thoughts and behavior, and start again. Sometimes their cries would out last the timer, but I would give them the opportunity to stay in that nice, safe place until they gained their composure. Better said, I would NOT let them get out of their time-out, until they cried it all out!

As a mom, I have found myself in need of more time-outs than any other time in my life. Maybe even more than I had as a toddler? I don’t know, but recently I needed a time out. I needed a time out for a cry out!

Remembering back when my boys had a cry out, in a time-out, I never saw it as a gift. In fact, the scripture in Romans, which mentions kindness leading us to repentance, was certainly not in my mind, nor theirs. However, recently when I was alone, my time-out could only be described as a glorious gift.

Of course you might be thinking anytime in which moms are alone is a gift, and I would concur 100%! However, when we are particularly placed in a time-out, do we see it as a gift? Do we see that kindness leads to repentance? Do we see waiting leads to a promise?

As I think about my kid’s lovely blue time-out chair, I can vividly imagine myself rocking back and forth as if I were in a time-out, in their chair. It seems I’ve been rocking back and forth for a while. My back is beginning to hurt because there are no cushions. Even thought I’ve described the chair as nice and safe, it isn’t the most comfortable. It’s actually really hard. It’s just a little wooden rocking chair.

Now I begin to wonder, “How did I get here? How did I get in this time out? It seems like I have been in this chair FOREVER!! When is the timer going to go off? Did it go off already? Am I still complaining and nothing has changed since I first sat down?”IMG_0032

As I continue to think to myself, I say, “Okay, I am going to gain composure. I am going to get out of this time out!” Then all of a sudden the tears, the true tears start rolling. I confess, my envy, jealousy, discontentment, and all the stuff that has built up in my heart. I let God know I am scared. I didn’t intend or purposely do something wrong to get in time-out. Alternatively, it was just life. Many things aren’t fair, and just as kids, we get mad, we pout, and we end up in time-out.

As I discovered myself in time out, I realized God wasn’t harshly disciplining me. I just needed to gain composure. I was acting like a child complaining in a grocery store. I wanted all the pretty items on the shelf. I saw others getting items off the shelf, so why couldn’t I get something new?

As tears continued and my soul cried out, I got something new, I got mercy.

The next day, I woke up and when I looked at my phone I got a text that said, “Praying for you today: Lamentations 3:19-24 IMG_0033I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I said to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’”

Again, Jesus revealed I have something new, I have Christ’s compassion, His mercy, which never fails.

Although I will continue to see people have new items, (new careers, new homes, improved bodies, new levels of education) in which I may not get, I am promised to have mercy; and mercy unlike everything else I listed never fails, never breaks, and never ends.

He does not forget the cry of the humble. Psalm 9:12b

Space Invaders

I just got back from a prayer getaway and since returning a hundred things came to mind before praying did. Of course, then the hundredth and one thing popped on in and I thought, I should pray. Thankfully, I didn’t start the conversation. In fact, sometimes it’s much easier when God starts first. God knows that I am a mom and all that entails. I also think God knows that I’m probably an undiagnosed ADHD believer, as God often has to interrupt me to get my attention. Can I get an Amen?

Tonight God interrupted me though two lovely space invaders. One space invader I gave birth to, the other one I bought. Of course I would never say, “I bought a kid.” However, I did buy this kid, he is my dog. So two children (one by birth, another by bucks) got so close that they only left me with an approximately 2-foot square on my king size bed! Thanks to Google I found out the length or footage of a king size bed is 76 x 80. Therefore, my child and dog had up to 74 x 78 feet. Granted they didn’t take it all, but they crowded me into this little upper right hand corner in which I had no space. They invaded!

Ironically earlier this evening I told my husband, I wish I could go hide in a closet or a cubby whole. Since being gone this weekend, I didn’t have any invaders. I had space. I had my own room! It was lovely.

Tonight as the hundredth and one thing popped in my head, I realized why I should pray. God wants to invade my space! God wants to get close. From experience I’ve learned sometimes when God wants to get close it isn’t always fun. Sometimes God wants to clean out the closet. You too may know it isn’t always fun until after the closet is clean. But tonight, I knew God wanted to be present with me. God wanted to spend time with me. Like my dog and child all snuggled up so close. God wanted to invade my space.

When I started to pray, I said, “ God, thanks for invading my space. Thanks for being present even when I’m not thinking of you. You always want to be so close. You are such a good father. You teach me in so many ways. I love my space invaders. Thanks for interrupting me through them. Thanks for teaching me how to pray.”